Monday, May 5, 2008

Forbidden Kingdom more like Forbidden Movie

Here is a scene of what transpire in the meeting before Forbidden Kingdom was shot.

Movie Executive (M.E): You know what would be a hit movie? Two of the best Kung Fu master dueling!

Boss: Hmm that’s interesting, but it would be better if the movie happens in the past!

M.E: Yeah yeah! And to add in some spice, lets throw in some Chinese legend. Audience love Chinese legends. I know which one we should use, Journey to the west! But instead of the journey, we talk about the pre-journey!

Boss: Hmm, that might work but I thought Journey to the west is about 4 man going to the west. We need pretty faces in it!

M.E: No problem, lets just add in a cute damsel in distress which is out for revenge against the same villain!

Boss: But what would her dialogue and role be?

M.E: Lets just cast her as an add on and show her face here and there and a bit of background of why she is there. The audience wouldn’t care less!

Boss: But we are targeting American audience aren’t we? Shouldn’t we add in some American element in it?

M.E: The dialogue, jokes and fighting scene is a shoe in for American audience. Don’t worry! We would also cast an American in it! He would be the Staff Bearer! The man that will travel from the future to the past to return the staff to the owner! Hell, the story would be about a group of guys and girls which are good in what they does protecting him to bring back the staff!

Boss: Isn’t that similar with LOTR?

M.E: Yeah! And that’s why its bound to work!

Forbidden kingdom, more like forbidden movie. It was two hour of none stop questioning from me and my GF as to what is going on in the movie. The action is not half bad but the fight is drawn out too much. The dialogue switches between mandarin and English and gives no reason for doing so. In fact, it did not even explain why the Chinese can speak English in the first place! So as a smart audience, we assumed that the staff gave the guy the ability to understand Chinese and simultaneously translate all the language to English for us. Think Babel Fish.

Then there is the plot, good lord. HOW CHEESY CAN IT BE?! It’s a typical B-Grade movie with A-Grade actor. In fact, I would say the only saver in the movie is the name Jacky and Jet. Or else the movie will be a total flop. I would really give this movie a miss if I were you. It’s a total waste of 11 buck for me.

-Because I Can-